Saturday, November 6, 2010

Day 14 of 30...

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink differs from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven't experienced BDSM/kink in real life, how do you think it might differ?


This is something no one talks about for some reason, even though it's something that's quite important.  I'll try to answer this properly/not half-assed this time.  Though please remember, I'm speaking from an M/s, 24/7 point of view.  I'm also going to use male pronouns when referring to D-types.  Don't be offended, it's from MY point of view and (SURPRISE) I'm a woman owned by a man.

One of the most important things to remember is that there will be days when you just don't fucking feel like it.  There is going to be a hard cock being smacked against your face, you might be blindfolded and tied up, maybe a vibrator trapped inside you some place for a tease.... sounds pretty standard/attractive, right?  Yea, well.. sometimes you're going to be thinking "Fuck this, why am I here right now?".  But, you do it anyway because you love the sick bastard your Master.  Sometimes you will be expected to serve when you just aren't up for it.  Maybe Master will be nice and let you off the hook, and then again, maybe he won't.  Sometimes taking kink when you don't really want it can be tough (for those of you considering CNC).  It can border on damaging for some people, depending on what's going on.  It's just something have to consider.  But hey... sometimes it's hot to think about afterwards even if you aren't into it while it's happening.  You know you love being forced and taken advantage of... ;)

Or maybe you're being made to clean something gross in the bathroom, and you'll be thinking "Gee, this is neither erotic nor glamorous and it's CERTAINLY not something I saw in all those porn clips!  What's going on?".  That will happen.  It's called reality. :P It can be lame sometimes.  Not every task or service you perform will be sexy and satisfying.  A lot of the "tasks" I get from Master aren't sex-related, humiliating, etc... He'll want me to repair a database error on his website.  He'll want me to feed myself before he gets home.  Or he might just want me to lay out his pajamas for him so that he can be comfy right when he returns from work.  These are not generally things that make me aroused. xD  That's not to say I don't enjoy them.  I do like to help Master in ANY way that I can.  He's so self-reliant that helping him even a little feels like a real treat.  I'm just saying that my service doesn't always leave my quivering in anxious anticipation of orgasm.  (It happens.. but we're discussing fantasy/reality discrepancies, so we're focusing on that :P)

Another thing is that sometimes your Dom/Master/whoever isn't going to feel like it either.  Maybe he had a long day at work and all he wants is some food and to be allowed to relax.  I imagine it takes some energy to top someone.  Domly-types need their rest too.  It can be frustrating when you're prepped and ready to take anything they can throw at you but hey.. if you're understanding and give them the care and lurv they need, maybe they'll remember that the next time you don't feel like being fucked senseless. Maybe.  Maybe not.

Which leads me to another point - it isn't fair.  Period.  You probably thought about this at some point, but think about it more.  When he doesn't feel like it, you have to leave him alone.  You can't force him to top you.  When YOU don't feel like it, he's perfectly capable of making you submit.  In fact, it is his prerogative to do so.  You might be lucky and have a kind soul as your Master who will let you rest if you simply don't feel like it (Master has done this, though I usually only get out of it when I'm sick or something else is wrong with me).  But he doesn't have to.  There is a lot more that simply isn't fair... sometimes it really fucking sucks.  Sometimes you're going to be depressed about it.  And they cannot understand it because the "not fair" scales are always tipped in their favor.  They may know logically that you may be frustrated about the lack of apparent justice, but they'll never know how hard it really is. (Of course, the lack of fairness might very well be your aim.  That's what a power dynamic IS, after all. I'm just saying.. it isn't always easy.  It isn't always pleasant.  I would be lying to you if I said it was.)

Basically, BDSM can be hard.  I only mentioned a handful of things.  Ponder these and some others.  M/s isn't all fun and games... but we do some of that sometimes. xD


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