Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Like a Slap in the Face

This post isn't about BDSM or even my relationship.  If the idea of this bores you, I won't be offended if you leave.

It's just after 8AM as I write this and I am already having a shitty day.  This is exactly the opposite of what I (WE) needed.  Someone who I considered a friend... a trusted friend... gave Master and I a total slap in the face today.  More Master than me, really.. but I could stand what was being said to him in such a disrespectful manner.  I'm sure some of you will say it is not a slave's place to defend her Master.  It probably is it.

But I don't give a fuck.  No one talks like that to the people who I care about.  It was a total tear down, an attack on character, and an attack on his worth.  I have not been this angry with someone I considered close in years and I don't know what to do.  Master hasn't yet seen what I said to this person (it all took place on a private forum, if you're wondering).  In fact, right now, Master is at work and doesn't even know what this person said.  He might be angry when he sees that I took it upon myself to reply.  I wouldn't care.

I know this probably sounds like internet drama, but we communicate with this fellow (and a few others) online because they live in different countries on the other end of the world.  They've been good to us.  This man, in particular, was good to us.  But this was just a slap in the face, as if from no where.  I couldn't hold it back.  I am the type of person who will take all the shit in the world if you need me to, but DON'T expect me to let you sit there and tear apart my friends or my loved ones without me getting medieval on your ass.  I have no room in my life for people like that and my friends (and certainly Master) do NOT deserve that kind of treatment.

Right now, I don't care that this reflects badly on me as a slave.  I might even get a punishment.  I'm actually not sure on what Master's policy on this is because we've never been in this situation before.  But right now?  I feel it's worth it to stand up for something I believe in.  To stand up for a project and an effort that I believe in.   To stand up for a man who I believe in.  It makes me sick and just ANGRY thinking about what this person said.  I don't think I've ever cried in anger, but I did today.  It was probably a combination of sudden rage coupled with helplessness because this person is too far away for me to tear down in person.

I may be in shit for this later.  But again... right now, it's worth it damnit.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Wall

I fear that I've been failing to update the world about my life. :P I am sorry, although I'm quite sure that all of you who read here have had much better things to do with your time than blog-stalk me. lol

I have been frightfully busy.  WE have been frightfully busy.  Master got a promotion at work, which is really wonderful for him.  He seems quite pleased.  I think he's looking forward to the new type of work he'll be doing, it's much closer to his interests than the previous position was.  I am pleased because he is pleased. :3

I have all sorts of lovely things to tell you about that, sadly, have nothing to do with BDSM, slavery, etc.  I've had loads of awesome things happening in my life, and I am sad that I can't tell you about them as they are all work and school related (again, trying not to identify myself TOO obviously here).  Since returning home from my little trip away, things have settled quite happily between the two of us.  Sometimes when I get back from a trip, there is a bit of heels digging into the earth and teeth gnashing on my part.  Not so this time.  ...Well, looking back on it, I guess I did have at least one noteworthy experience that I could expound upon a bit here.

When Master first decided I was going to take a beating (read: flogging/paddling), he had me do something different that I had never done before.  Normally, I usually get beaten on the bed.  I'm either laying flat on it, bent over it, kneeling on it... something of the like.  Our humble abode is small, and this method is convenient.  This time, I was taken to the living room, instructed to face the wall while standing, and to put my hands up over my head with my palms flat against the wall.

I won't lie and make myself sound more awesome than I am. :P I had injured my shoulder recently and had to ask for permission to lower my hands after a few minutes due to that pain.  I was allowed, but still had to stand there facing into the wall during the ordeal.

I really didn't like it.  This is probably making me sound like a wuss, but honestly, it made me feel VERY odd and I was not into it at all.  When I was a kid, I never had "time outs" or anything like that... I was overly well-behaved, if anything.  Yet, staring at the wall getting belted made me feel like I was a little child being made to "go stand in the corner" as punishment.  I felt very claustrophobic.  I couldn't grab onto anything.  I couldn't bury my face in a pillow to drown out my screams.  I also had the very odd sensation that if I screamed out like I wanted to, people would hear me (I don't know where this came from, it usually doesn't bother me that much.  I don't want any neighbors to call the police, but still)... The problem is, if I am silent or he can tell I am trying to be quiet, he will go at me harder.  Finally, the combination of all of those weird feelings/differences made me lash out.  I actually hit the wall with my fist, mid-beating.

I know, I'm breaking all the slave "protocols" and stereotypes.  I was not being graceful in accepting what was being given to me in any way, shape, or form.  The thing is, Master doesn't seem to care whether or not I'm graceful about it.  If anything, I think he likes to see me outside of my own control, screaming, struggling, and all that.  (I think this is why he hits me harder when he thinks I'm trying to reign in my reactions :P).  Still, the whole "WHAT IS THIS, RAAAGE *punch wall*" thing was.. bad form, in my opinion.  And he wonders why I say I need to be restrained. :P

This action did cause him to check in on me, which I appreciated.  He seemed to think we should stop, but I didn't want to.  Giving up then would have made me feel that I had failed, that I was disappointing him.  So I gathered myself and took the rest facing the wall as I was supposed to.  I didn't want to let it defeat me.  (I almost put "let it beat me", but that was too pun-o-rific even for me :P)  I "finished" successfully without anymore freak outs..

Honestly, it's embarrassing for me to talk about that.  I'm not sure why.  There are just so many.. worse things that I and others have taken at the hands of a Master/Dom/top/whatever, that "facing a wall" REALLY seems like it shouldn't bring out that kind of response.  But in 6... nearly 7 years?  I had honestly never been RIGHT up against it like that, with nothing to hide in, nothing to grasp... it was interesting.  He hasn't had me do it since, which makes me feel bad because - again - it seems like I failed.  But of course I would be willing to do it again (not that it would really matter whether or not I'm willing, but really, I would be).  I want to prove again that I can do it.

I don't really know why I had the reaction that I did... but I think it was a growing experience.  I don't even get claustrophobic, yet something as simple as that brought out those sensations.  I'm waiting for my chance to try it again, hopefully with more success this time.

Thank you for not laughing at me.  And if you are?  Well.. that's okay too, I think.


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Clamping Down

Literally clamping down, I mean.  First, let me just give a big thank you to EdenFantasys - seller of adult novelties/sex toys that I'm sure you're familiar with - for giving me the opportunity to do all of these reviews.  This time, Master picked the item for me.  Previously, we didn't actually own any "real" nipple clamps.  I do love nipple torture, but we just never got around to purchasing any.  In the past, he would put clothes pins on me and make do with that.  Or.. you know, just twist them off himself. :P  But, I digress.

So, these lovely blue clover clamps found their way to my door.  I had seen these in pink and was sort of lusting after them in the back of my mind, but honestly, I was quite pleased when blue ones arrive.  Master may have been a bit disappointed, but I love blue and (not so secretly) abhor pink.  So +1 for me! ;)  But anyway, if you are not like me and would prefer pink ones, I believe the pink ones are currently out of stock.  I am not sure when they will be back, but I am sure they will come back eventually.  Here are a couple of photos of the set I was sent (and no, they're not in use in the picture... sorry all. :P).  I will say that my flash did weird things in these pictures and taking a good photo of these at night proved difficult.  Their color is richer than it appears here:

Check out the product page at EdenFantasys (linked to above as "clover clamps") too.  The image there shows the color quite accurately (although your monitor settings may vary from mine).

Also, here is a picture showing the "nubs"* mentioned a bit later on.  The color is TOTALLY off here because of the flash, but you can see the texture of the inside of the rubber pad:

Ignore the color in that last picture.  Only mind the little bumps (7 of them, it looks like) on the circular part where the clamp contacts the flesh.

Quite pretty!  ...And bitey.  As a lover of nipple torture, I can honestly say that these things hurt like a bitch.  I both loved and loathed this.  If you are looking for something with a firm, unyielding hold, these are the clamps for you.  They are easy to attach weights to as well if you would like added sensation.  The rubber tips between the clamps have these sort of... nubs* that stick out of them into your flesh.  I think this both adds to the sensation as well as ensuring that the clamps stay in place.

Master and I have had absolutely no problems getting these to stay on or stay in place.  Again, they are rather unyielding.  You can tug on the chain for a delightful "OW, FUCK" sensation without them coming off.  I don't think we have pulled on them violently or anything, but I'd say they'll stay in place for a firm yank.  During sex there were no problems with anything sliding around or popping off either.  Again - they stay where you put them.  I'll note that I have rather small nipples.  I'm not sure if this makes a difference in the way they hold their place, but I just thought I'd mention it.

I'm going to include a handful of precautions to go along with the use of these.  These clamps are an awesome, powerful product which I have greatly enjoyed.  However, do keep in mind that the coloring comes from PAINT which CAN CHIP OFF.  I haven't had any issues with this, but they are still fairly new and (so far) we've been fairly careful with them (not tossing them to the floor, no hard beatings right around the nipples during use, etc).  Obviously chipping paint won't make these pretties any less effective, but if the color is important to you, just be aware that they are colored with paint.

Additionally, a bit of a safety note, I don't think you are supposed to wear them for more than 20 minutes at a time.  This is the case with any kind of clamp/clothes pin device.  You risk permanent damage/tissue death after too long, so be safe when you play (I'm looking at tops and bottoms here).  No one wants to permanently lose feeling in their nipples.  Besides, I promise that after 20 minutes you'll be begging for them to come off.  Or dreading it terribly because we all know that part hurts the worst. :P