Sunday, May 22, 2011

Happy Birthday, Master

Oh, and by the way love?  Happy Birthday. <3  I hope you enjoyed today.  I tried my best to make you happy.  And I am very, very happy that you were born.


Rainbow Review

Let me start this off by saying that I love, love, LOVE glass toys.  I say this about very few things, but honestly it is something that I think everyone should at least try once.  Eden Fantasys has some very affordable glass sex toys for a curious experimenter to choose from.  I'll say this too - there are a lot of options.  You would think that glass toys would leave you with only dildos to choose from, but I found this to be untrue - there is at least one vibrating option available, which I would love to test out in the future.

Anyway, for this particular review I was sent the lovely Rainbow Heart.  Literally, it is both rainbow-y and heart shaped.  Did any of you ever see Sailor Moon?  This looks like it could be one of the sparkly "weapons" from that show.  I was deeply amused and pleased by that.  The toy is VERY nice to look at, in my opinion.  Many glass pieces are.  However, I do think it is easy to tell what this particular toy is so I wouldn't recommend it putting it on display if you're concerned about people knowing that you've got a few toys in your theoretical chest. ;)  It could pass for a massager, but honestly?  The heart-shaped handle gives it away.

I was surprised by the size of this toy.  It has a bit more girth than I imagined, but I enjoyed that.  The bumps all along the outside were very stimulating and quite prominent.  I promise, the nubs will NOT go unnoticed.  Again, it is quite attractive to behold due to the colors.  The nubs look pretty and innocent, but I will caution you that they may be too much for some people.  If you are a beginning with glass toys or new to very textured toys, I would not recommend this for your first foray.  However, I enjoyed using this toy immensely.

I started off with a solo session.  I wanted to see how the toy felt on it's own and I wanted to get used to it a bit before Master got a hold of it and started forcibly shoving it in there.  The handle is actually really great for solo use as it makes the toy easy to grasp and hold onto.  The same principles apply for play with a partner - it gives them something nice and solid to grip.  Another thing to keep in mind, this toy could be dangerous in the hands of a sadist.  Glass is not soft.  Glass will not give.  I promise that it is firmer than any cock you may have encountered.  Too much thrusting with any glass toy may leave you bruised and sore.  Those of you with sadistic lovers have been warned!

Another note, this toy is probably suitable for anal play.  I haven't tried that out yet, but it's a reasonable length and the flared end makes it seem like it would be pretty tough to lose it up there.  Though the same warnings apply with anal: be gentle.  Glass is very firm and you don't want to do any permanent damage by thrusting too vigorously.  I'm not sure how those bumps would feel anally but hey... feel free to try it and let me know!

One bonus with this toy: due to the glass material, temperature play can happen!  Stick the toy in the freezer and get it cold.  Warm it up in a bowl of hot water (not too hot, because burnt genitals suck).  Additionally, you CAN use this as a back massager and it feels great.  So you could also warm it up for that.  Although I'm telling you - if you haven't tried it, try getting a glass toy warm.  You won't regret it.

I highly reccomend this toy to anyone who isn't naive to texture (or, if you are, what the hell - try it.  You might like it).  It's high quality.  Glass is easy to clean and to take care of.  It is going to last you a LONG time and most glass dildos are pretty affordable.  Even if this particular toy doesn't appeal to you, again, Eden Fantasys has quite a few affordable options to choose from (and some more expensive ones if you already know what you like).  I loved this toy and I will be using it for a long time.


P.S. - The little velvet bag came with the toy.  It is good for just keeping the toy covered, but it won't really protect it if you drop it.  Do  your best to avoid dropping glass toys as they can break or chip.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Day 6 - 9

I owe myself a bit of optimism.  I was... otherwise engaged over this weekend.  I apologize for neglecting my daily-posting task.  It happens, I suppose.  Anyway, let's see if I can come up with 4 things about me that I enjoy in one sitting.

I truly appreciate my Master and all that he does for us.

I have a wide breadth of interests, and therefore can be happy doing many different things.

I am patient (when I need to be).

I am excessively honest.

I may return to the "honesty" one later.  But in the mean time, this post should make up for 05/06-05/09. :)


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Day 5

I am a hard worker.

I work hard.  I do.  I am willing to put in the proper amount of effort into things to get a decent pay off.  I'm intrinsically motivated to work (most days) and I always get what needs to be done finished.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Day 4 - Intellectualism

I am an intellectual.

I will come out and say it frankly.  I am fucking smart.  Too smart for my own damn good, sometimes.  But I love the freedom that intellectualism brings to me.  I am thankful to Master for giving (forcing?) me the opportunity to continue to expand my academic knowledge and abilities.  Thank you for sharing in those things with me (Remember, we CALLED it - it was soooo Khafre, not Khufu).  At any rate, I love this trait about myself.  I am sure this is coming off arrogant, but I want to appreciate the gift of intelligence that I've been given... and it is a large, wonderful gift.  And also, I would like to thank those who have nurtured this quality and given it the chance to grow into the beauty it is now and that it may become.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Day 3

I am highly empathetic.

This one actually used to be a problem for me.  I couldn't separate myself from other people's issues.  This resulted in me pulling away and trying to close myself off from people entirely.  That didn't work either.  I have finally found balance and the ability to understand/empathize without making myself sick.  Empathy is sometimes still painful, but I am very grateful for the ability to nearly always see both sides of the coin (so to speak).


Monday, May 2, 2011

Day 2

I am unafraid to speak my mind.

I take this one for granted.  A lot.  But I was gifted with the ability to communicate well and to voice (and support) my opinions without backing down - regardless of how unpopular they may be.  I like that about myself.


Long, Hard, and Wonderful

No.  This has very little to do with penises.  The title refers to this weekend.

I had a very hard time on Saturday.  Details aren't important.  But I was put in my place.  It was my fault and frankly, I'm ashamed of how I acted.  By the end of it, I literally had to be forced to lie down and held tightly while I fought, struggled, and cried.

How ladylike.  How becoming.  (The sarcasm ends there.)

I haven't had an episode like that in a long time.  I felt awful.  At the time it was suffocating, painful, and crushing.  I wanted out of that house.  I don't think I've ever really wanted to leave before, but I wanted to leave then.  Not permanently, just... to breathe.  It felt like walls were closing in on me.  A slave's fantasy, right?  Or at least, that's what people would have us think.  But I couldn't leave.  There was no where to go and no way to get there.  I'm never sure if he intends it to be that way or not... but sometimes things like that can start to feel less like a secure, loving embrace and more like a hand locked around your neck.

I didn't want out of the relationship.  I didn't want out of O/p or M/s or anything else.  Truth be told, I don't know what I wanted.  But while I was fighting against his arms around me and weeping in the name of I-don't-even-know, it sunk in that he loved me.  He had to threaten me to get me to calm down... it made me spin out again later, but it worked momentarily.  I don't want to say that what he did was wrong.  He can do whatever he wants.  Honestly, it means very much to me that he is willing to go to any lengths to put me back in my place... even when it hurts.  Even when it feels like being spurned more so than being accepted.

But when the dust settled... it was okay.  I was okay.  I wasn't dead and I wasn't alone.  I still hurt inside a bit, but that was what made it so worthwhile.  I was safe, despite being inside of myself.  I was rather deeply embarrassed.  For those of you who are here perving, yes... there was aftermath sex.  Good, steamy, blissful, sensation-play oriented sex.  But that's not what I'm talking about... for today.  It was amazing, learning that no matter how much I fight, he'll always be there - pushing me back down.  Sometimes it does feel painful and suffocating.  Hell, even he admitted he was tough on me, which almost never happens.  But mostly it's just... comforting.

I don't really know how to explain what went on.  I'm embarrassed and ashamed about it (my behavior).  Really... a lot.  I wish I could be graceful.  I wish I had poise and elegance, even in the face of harm and difficulty.  Sometimes I do... not on Saturday.  I am really, really ashamed.  I don't think I'll ever be lovely or graceful (why does he call me his "lovely" anyway?).  Yet, the sense of peace and.. owned-ness that followed may have made it worthwhile.  Maybe we needed it.

I am on a few restrictions now.  I don't think they're directly a result of what happened, but maybe indirectly.  Everything I put in my mouth now needs to be Master-approved.... indefinitely.  Just another thing to cradle me with, I suppose.... :)


Sunday, May 1, 2011

30 Days of Self-Love

My attention was drawn to this on fetlife.

"i think it's time for some of us to change how we view ourselves... to look upon and within ourselves more kindly.

all you have to do is simply:
start a journal entry either here on fetlife or privately... and then...

everyday for 30 days... write something kind about yourself.. something that you like about yourself... that has nothing to do with your outter shell

concentrate on who you are on the inside... the beautiful spirit that lies within you. forget who you were... who you thought you were... or who others made you think you were. focus on the 'you' that you are now, or are in the process of creating."

My Master hasn't told me to do it, but I know he'll want me to as soon as I bring it up.  Which is why I am going to start now, with day one.  Findings things I like about myself is.... hard.  But I'll do my best.

I am extremely loyal.

To my friends.  To my family.  To my Master.  I am not a doormat in any sense of the word, but I will go to hell and back for the ones I love.  And I love that about myself.