BELATED Review! Moonshine for the New Year

Well, here is is after much, much delay which I am very sorry for.  Especially to EdenFantasys - a well known place where one can buy all types of sex toys - who has been very kind to me and patient while I was dealing with a pile of personal/family problems as well as an illness.  Thank you very much for that, EF (special thanks to Kayla).

Now for the fun stuff.  And yes - anal plugs are fun!  I selected the Moon Shine, which is both fun to play with and lovely to look at.  I don't normally use photos from EF's website, but the ones I took did not look very good for whatever reason.  So here are the website photos of the toy for your reference.  And yes, the colors really are this rich and pretty!

Glass toys will never stop being lovely!  The first thing I want to say is that I actually would not recommend this plug to beginners.  Perhaps an adventurous, enthusiastic one.  Even so, I don't think this should be a toy for a "first anal experience".  It is quite girthy at it's widest point, which feels great when it's in but could be difficult to insert for the inexperienced user.  EF lists its diameter as 1 5/8 inches and circumference as 5 inches.  I am not totally new to anal toys, but I am not a frequent.. practitioner (lol) and I did have difficulty with inserting this.   That said, onward!

The base of the toy is wider than the widest spot on the plug itself, so you shouldn't have to worry about anything getting "lost".  This is an important fact to consider when purchasing anal plugs as, unlike vaginal toys, anal toys can get lost inside you and that makes for a very uncomfortable (and expensive!) trip to the ER.  But with the Moon Shine, you've got no worries there!

Glass also makes for excellent anal toys because it is easy to clean and sanitize (pop in the dishwasher for ultimate ease) and it will NOT retain any odors.  Additionally, you can play with the temperature of the toy by running it under hot water or cold water.  The Moon Shine retains temperature pretty well, although please be careful not to get it so hot that your burn your sensitive bits.  Same goes for cold - too cold can be quite unpleasant if you aren't mindful.

Overall, this toy was great for use during sex and for wearing around the house.  The shaft part is a bit thick, so it was a little tough for me to wear for too long.  Still, the glass gives it a nice weighty feel and it is large enough to provide nice sensations without being too overbearing.  I would recommend this toy to anyone who likes anal plugs or glass toys in general.  Again - my only reservation about this product is that it is perhaps too large for a beginner.  Semi-experienced users have nothing to lose, though!  Happy plugging... ;)

*~zelda...

Happy New Year

Well, if anyone is still reading, I'm not dead.

I have been extremely sick for the past 2.5 months or so.  I'm only just now starting to feel like myself again.  More on that later.

I am sorry for abandoning you, blog.  I missed this place, but I had neither the energy nor the will to get up and write.  I owe EdenFantasys a review from 2 months ago, and I will be on that ASAP.

And then I need to update everyone about everything.  But I wanted to throw up a post and let everyone know I'm still alive.

*~zelda...

Untrained

I am completely untrained... as far as I know, anyway.  I am not sure how common it is for subs and slaves to go through periods of training or trials... but I never did.  I'm still wild and unruly... untamed.  I don't know how I feel about it.

I know, I know - I'm not "twue".  A "twue slave" doesn't need training, she just magically know how to obey and please using the special fire in her "slave belly".  She has no other thoughts other than pleasing him.  She lives to serve, even before she comes into contact with him.

I was never that way.  Do not misunderstand, I want VERY MUCH for Master to be happy.  I work hard to please him.  But I was not born wanting to service someone else.  I... actually, I don't know how I was born.  My childhood warped me and I will never know how much of my personality is nascent and how much of it is a product of my environment.  I know that we are all products of our environment, but some of us are molded more than others I think.  In any event, I've never been through any kind of structured training procedure.

I feel like a wild animal sometimes.  Like I'm completely incapable of being handled.  Granted, there are many times when I think I'm this:

And he sees this:

This happens more often than I want to think about, lol.  It is probably why he hasn't seen my occasional rebellions as anything particularly threatening or even worth being concerned after all.  It is cute to watch a kitten try to be intimidating and fail, after all... I suppose I'm no different when I get that way.  But there are rare times when that tigress actually is in the room.  And she is mean and unpleasant and probably kind of hungry (and potentially hormonal... but I digress).  Then he and I have these epic, celestial battles that look like this:

Those usually end with me collapsing into a ball of some kind, crying for a bit, and wishing I could melt into the floor because I'm embarrassed about how I acted.  I turn back into that kitten, mushed and looking for something warm to cling to and comfort itself.  I'd like to be somewhere in between those two places. :P  And that's where I am... most of the time, at least.

(I couldn't find a picture of a dragon and a tiger in a relaxed state together {IRONY}. So Master, you can be the larger tiger. :P Sorry I couldn't find a dragon for you again.)

We can both be ourselves, in a relaxed, calm state.  I get to guided, watched over, occasionally mounted... lol  But still, it's tough to live with a wild animal - even if you're pretty damn wild yourself.  I'd love to be more refined... beautiful, focused, a prized servant.  Don't get me wrong - I can be left alone and function.  I can manage a house, I know how to pay bills and handle money, I can do quite a few things on my own.  He could show me off as capable, intelligent, affectionate... but there is always that wild side.

Perhaps I think that training would get that out of me, but I don't think it would.  You can put a tiger in a cage, sure.  You can even breed them in captivity... but they are still going to be a wild animal.  Sometimes, even when they're being affectionate or trying to help, they can do great damage by not understanding their own strength.  I don't think training would do shit for me.. for us, really.  That's probably why he hasn't done it.  I think he knows.  I like the idea.  It sounds very erotic, in it's own way... and yet, I don't think it's possible.  I don't think the lessons would stick.  Maybe he wouldn't want them to.  Maybe I wouldn't want them to.

Sure, it can be frightening to live with something that has so much raw power.  Imagine a tiger in your fucking living room.  That would be a sight.  Even with it just laying there, you'd think "shit, how do I get back out of this room without dying?".  But strangely enough, they can be affectionate animals.  They'll protect you, and even hug you (although you may end up getting a bit crushed by them in the process).  It would take a powerful man to know how to handle a tiger without taking away that which makes it different from a house cat - its strength, its intellect, its rage, its ambitions, its force... its wildness.

Perhaps that's just what Master has achieved...

Besides, wild animals can be damned beautiful.

*~zelda...

"Sub Space"

Sometimes, I don't even believe that it exists.

That's at least one of my BDSM-related secrets. :P  To me, it seems like some giant thing that everyone is always talking about... get caned? Go into subspace.  Flogged? Subspace!  Paddled?  Whipped?  That'll earn you an all-expenses-paid trip to SUBSPAAAAAAACE! :D

I know, I know - I'm being tongue in cheek.  It doesn't bother me to see or hear people talk about it and it the topic isn't nearly as prolific as I'm making it out to be.  Yet, sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something.  It's as if it's some lovely, magical thing that I simply can't grasp.  It sure sounds pleasant from what I've heard of it, but... honestly, sometimes I find myself doubting whether the phenomenon actually occurs or if it's just something people natter about on the occasion.

I seriously doubt that it's some giant, collective lie that everyone is all wrapped up in.  That would be paranoid of me, wouldn't it? :P Still, I would like to know what everyone is talking about... And I have taken my fair share of beatings and had my fair share of marks.  Sure, there are people far more extreme than Master and I... yet, I know of people who are less "extreme" that slip into sub space all the time.  I'm envious!  I want to know!

Maybe it's a conscious thing.  Maybe I'm just not "letting go" enough.  I have a hard time letting go, though.  When I go quiet, Master turns up the heat.  Turning up the heat knocks me out of any kind of "floaty" space and I go back into the fire... etc.  You can see how this goes on.  It's interesting, and I certainly am not complaining about the treatment I get (hehe).  But I really would love to let myself go into subspace...

Sorry this post is so poorly constructed, I was writing this and doing about 50 things at once.  But I wanted to get it out while the issue was still in my head.

Is it something that I'm blocking?  Or is it possible that it just doesn't happen for some of us...?  Opinion time!  Tell me what you thinks. (yes.  what you thinkS. :P)

*~zelda...

What do you get...?

What do you get the man to whom you've already given everything?

I'm struggling with this question.  You see, our 7 year anniversary is less than a month away.  He'll have work "day of", but the day before is free for both of us as of now...  I'm pondering what to get him, what to do for that day.. he may have ideas of his own, but I'd like to offer up something in case he doesn't.  Our budget is quite limited, which makes things a little harder - but you really don't need money to give a good gift or to have a good day.

Any suggestions? xD  Not that I'll steal your ideas out-right (he'd know if I did, wouldn't he?), but I'll take a bit of inspiration if you've got it. Hehe...

*~zelda...

Moar Safeword Chatter

So, I read this post by lil earlier this morning (which lol-ariously, was inspired by this post at Finding my Submission... I'm sensing an INSPIRATION CHAIN) which started me thinking on the old safeword subject.  Because you know... we haven't already beaten this little piece of theory to death or anything.

I had a safeword, way back in the beginning.  Before we had taken the plunge into any kind of power dynamic.  There wasn't any M/s, maybe the buddings of D/s.. but mostly just a man who wanted to smack his woman and a woman who thought that sounded like a dandy idea. :P  So there was that safeword.  In the initial stages, I wasn't actually pushed to the point of even thinking about the safeword.  By the time it was something that might be.. relevant? the option had already disappeared.  We've never formally spoken about its disappearance... but I know the option is long gone at this point.

And honestly, I don't know what I think about that.  I don't criticize those who use them and I don't criticize those who don't.  I've long since stopped being concerned about the way other people go about practicing their kinks.  It is what it is.  But I can be concerned about the way I practice (or rather, the way I am made to practice) ... right?  I just wonder about it sometimes, I suppose.

Master is pretty good at reading me when he's hurting me.. which is sort of weird, because in general, he's pretty terrible at reading my mind (I love you! <.< It's okay that you aren't psychic).  Maybe he's just better at reading my body, because I seem to be pretty good at giving physical cues.  But sometimes, I think the need for him to be alert and reading me prevents him from fully enjoying himself.  On some level, he still seems to be concerned about totally letting go and just relishing in my position as an object.  Maybe it's because he isn't as sadistic as he thinks he is.  Maybe it's because he's afraid he won't be able to turn it off again.  Maybe it's because he loves me.  Probably all of those things, and more.

So sometimes, I feel like our lack of a safeword can be a detriment to him because he seems to be that much more focused on keeping me safe.  But on the other hand, I think if he did let himself go fully... the safeword wouldn't matter anyway.  It would be met with "lawl, that's cute. no." and onward we'd be marching...

Now, some might argue that a top/master/dom/whatever isn't supposed to fully let go.  That it is their job to keep themselves controlled and in check.  Yet, part of me wants him to feel like he can do that do me. As sick as it is, I want him to know how badly he could hurt me... what he could do to me... and that I would still love him all the same.  But to be honest, there is a part of me that fears him uncontrolled.

I've had tastes of it before.

And to be honest...? It does scare me.  I maybe shouldn't say that where he'll read it (Hi zelda, TOO LATE!).  It's something I want to experience, yet, like him, I'm afraid it won't be able to turn off again.  I didn't used to worry about it, but I worry about it because HE worries about it.  I trust him, but it sometimes seems like he doesn't trust himself.. that can be confusing for a slave.

Maybe this post is less about safewords than I thought.  But it still got me wondering if we'll ever take that plunge into the wild blue...

*~zelda...

"I am a Clinical Sexologist"

How awesome would THAT be to say?  I wish. xD  But, I do know of one woman who can actually say that.  Her name is Dr. Charley Ferrer and she is participating in an interview event with Eden Fantasys.  She has written numerous books (including The Latina Kama Sutra, El Kama Sutra Latino, Para La Mujer Sensual {that's "For the Sensual Woman" for you non-spanish speakers! Who says high school language courses don't come in handy?}, The Passionate Latina: In Our Own Words, and The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman).

I encourage you to read a bit about her at the link I've provided.  This woman's CV/resume is pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself.  You can check out the questions and answers received so far here (scroll to the bottom).  I've really enjoyed reading the ones that have been answered so far.  I have found her answers to be insightful and informative.  I love discussion and this woman certainly has a good head on her shoulders!  She did previously work as a college professor.  You can ask a question for yourself too!  Those who ask Dr. Ferrer's top three favorite questions will received BDSM toy prizes from Eden Fantasys.  Asking is all you have to do to enter!

The interview only runs until September 19th (that's today, tomorrow, and Monday!), so get your questions in if you have any.  I haven't asked any questions yet myself, but I am planning on it.  Check it out if you have time!  It really is a neat event.

*~zelda...

100th Post

I've been posting for just under 2 years now (1 year, 11 months).  This post marks my 100th.  I think most people usually reach this milestone much sooner than I did, but I'm okay with that.  My own pace works just fine for me, after all. :)

I wanted to thank those who left me such supportive comments after my last post.  I needed it.  I really, really appreciate you all reaching out. <3 So thank you for that.

And thank you, too, to those of you who have decided to read me.  Walk with me.  Run with me.  Frequently Occasionally fall down with me...  In particular, I wanted to thank our resident Naughty Monkey, who I believe was the first person to ever comment on any of my posts.  And she is still here too! xD That takes a strong stomach man, so thank you.  Also, kaya because she has been a large inspiration for my blogging.  And to all of you.  I have several regular drop-ins (K, lil, mouse, Giggling Bunny, etc. {I do hope I'm not forgetting anyone}) who I deeply appreciate.  But I am sure there are many more of you whose names I do not know, even if you do read here.  And I am grateful to you too.

Of course, there is Master to thank.  He's my gravity, like my own personal sun keeping me in orbit.  I love you.  And thank you for coming with me on this journey... thank you for creating this journey for me, for us. ...I think I am making it sound like it's ending. xD Naturally, it's not.  But I wanted to say thank you for what's happened so far.  This blog is just under 2 years old.  And "we" are just under 7 now.  I wonder what we'll be like in 7 more years.  I can't wait to know... but of course, I'm in no rush to get there. ;)

I can only wonder what the next 100 posts will hold for us.

Thank you for walking with me.

*~zelda...

Spinning

I've been neglecting you again, dear blog.  Part of the reason is just that I've been busy and tired.  The other reason is that I've been getting beaten to a pulp.  Unfortunately, I'm talking about the sexy kind of beating either... mine is emotional and mental.  And as I'm sitting here thinking about this and starting to write, I'm beginning to feel exactly how tired and exhausted I really am...

There have been quite a few upsets in my neck of the woods lately.  The very least of which was an.. acquaintance (I know him better than I would I say I know "most acquaintances", I know him better than I want to, but I do not consider this person to be a friend) having a sort of mental breakdown over the weekend.  *chuckles* Don't worry though, the entire thing was nothing more than an elaborate ruse to get as many people paying attention to him as possible.  I'm just glad I saw it for what it was in the beginning before I got as involved in it as my other friends did.  I suppose an education in psychology isn't entirely impractical, is it?  Still, the repercussions of that are still echoing off the walls of my social sphere and I find it unpleasant.  It just makes me want to isolate myself even more.

Master and I hit a bump last weekend.  It was a big bump.  It was a fucking scary bump.  And it wasn't an attractive-in-hindsight, taking me to the next level, BDSM bump either.  It was just life.  New plans clashing with old plans that had been laid down for quite a few years now...  I'm not a fan of the curve balls "life" like to throw.  I don't think most people are.  Again, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  It was upsetting, painful, and rattling for us both.  I was not a fan... but I guess it needed to be dealt with.  I'm not going to go into any more detail about it.  There is more I could say, but I'm not sure I'm in the right head space to do that right now anyway.

On the BDSM front, things are feeling...... well, they feel neglected.  "On the back burner", so to speak. We're just both SO DAMN BUSY and we're both SO DAMN TIRED.  It's like there isn't room.  But, I know I am not the only one who has struggled with this.  And as other before me have said, I am still his slave - whether he is ordering me to kneel and suck his cock or he is ordering me to lay in bed with him and let him stroke my hair.  And I'll be honest right now... I do crave that "negative attention" that I think all slaves get an inch for.  But I also feel so fragile and frail right now that I sort of like knowing that I am going home to comfort and security. >_> No, I'm not turning vanilla... I'm just going through a lot of shit right now.

I think Master is too.

*~zelda...

(Sorry this post was such a downer and so uninteresting.  This is my 99th post... I'd like to do something at least a little special for #100.  Thanks for sticking with me.  All of you. *hugs*)

Gryffindor at Heart

I am a Harry Potter fan.  I am unashamed to admit this.  I found a VERY good sorting quiz based on Personality Theory (my fellow psychologists should feel their ears perking up at the mention of a familiar phrase about now) that I thought I'd share.. you know, in case any of my readers are closet nerds too. :P

The sorting hat says that I belong in Gryffindor!

Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name."

Students of Gryffindor are typically brave, daring, and chivalrous.
Famous members include Harry, Ron, Hermione, Albus Dumbledore (head of Hogwarts), and Minerva McGonagall (head of Gryffindor).


Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now! 

My detailed results were:

Gryffindor - 99

Ravenclaw - 89

Hufflepuff - 85

Slytherin - 57

I've always considered myself of sort of "Gryffin-claw" hybrid, so these results make sense to me.  ALthough that 99 is a WEIRDLY high score. O_o But it's a neat test, even if it's a bit lengthly.  Master is a Slytherin... but then, aren't they all? LOL, only kidding.  Still, we make an odd pair, we do... ;)

(And for those wondering?  I didn't get into trouble yesterday.  Actually, I think he was sort of proud.. puzzling.)

*~zelda...