Wednesday, September 14, 2011


I've been neglecting you again, dear blog.  Part of the reason is just that I've been busy and tired.  The other reason is that I've been getting beaten to a pulp.  Unfortunately, I'm talking about the sexy kind of beating either... mine is emotional and mental.  And as I'm sitting here thinking about this and starting to write, I'm beginning to feel exactly how tired and exhausted I really am...

There have been quite a few upsets in my neck of the woods lately.  The very least of which was an.. acquaintance (I know him better than I would I say I know "most acquaintances", I know him better than I want to, but I do not consider this person to be a friend) having a sort of mental breakdown over the weekend.  *chuckles* Don't worry though, the entire thing was nothing more than an elaborate ruse to get as many people paying attention to him as possible.  I'm just glad I saw it for what it was in the beginning before I got as involved in it as my other friends did.  I suppose an education in psychology isn't entirely impractical, is it?  Still, the repercussions of that are still echoing off the walls of my social sphere and I find it unpleasant.  It just makes me want to isolate myself even more.

Master and I hit a bump last weekend.  It was a big bump.  It was a fucking scary bump.  And it wasn't an attractive-in-hindsight, taking me to the next level, BDSM bump either.  It was just life.  New plans clashing with old plans that had been laid down for quite a few years now...  I'm not a fan of the curve balls "life" like to throw.  I don't think most people are.  Again, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  It was upsetting, painful, and rattling for us both.  I was not a fan... but I guess it needed to be dealt with.  I'm not going to go into any more detail about it.  There is more I could say, but I'm not sure I'm in the right head space to do that right now anyway.

On the BDSM front, things are feeling...... well, they feel neglected.  "On the back burner", so to speak. We're just both SO DAMN BUSY and we're both SO DAMN TIRED.  It's like there isn't room.  But, I know I am not the only one who has struggled with this.  And as other before me have said, I am still his slave - whether he is ordering me to kneel and suck his cock or he is ordering me to lay in bed with him and let him stroke my hair.  And I'll be honest right now... I do crave that "negative attention" that I think all slaves get an inch for.  But I also feel so fragile and frail right now that I sort of like knowing that I am going home to comfort and security. >_> No, I'm not turning vanilla... I'm just going through a lot of shit right now.

I think Master is too.


(Sorry this post was such a downer and so uninteresting.  This is my 99th post... I'd like to do something at least a little special for #100.  Thanks for sticking with me.  All of you. *hugs*)


  1. Zelda,
    We all go through times where it feels like the world kicking our asses, eventually tho, we find our equilibrium again. Hope you and your Master find yours soon.


  2. "No, I'm not turning vanilla... I'm just going through a lot of shit right now." This sort of resonates with me too...

    I am sorry you're going through rough waters, but sounds great you were able to recognize that situation with the acquaintance before you got too sucked in to it.

    Congrats on 99 :)

    Take good care!


  3. I wouldn't call this post uninteresting--it's part of your story. I find that I feel invested in the stories of the bloggers I read. So whether it's good or bad, it's still part of your life and that makes it interesting.

    Life has been a mess in my neck of the woods lately too. Maybe it's in the air and will blow away before too long. Hope things start looking up for you soon!

  4. Awww those big bumps in life can be so frustrating and painful sometimes. It sounds like you are taking things the right way, trying to process and deal with them. I imagine there's definitely a balance of 'vanilla' and 'bdsm' that happens in all of us sometimes, esp when it comes to intimate relationships. *hugs*. Hope things get better.