Untrained

I am completely untrained... as far as I know, anyway.  I am not sure how common it is for subs and slaves to go through periods of training or trials... but I never did.  I'm still wild and unruly... untamed.  I don't know how I feel about it.

I know, I know - I'm not "twue".  A "twue slave" doesn't need training, she just magically know how to obey and please using the special fire in her "slave belly".  She has no other thoughts other than pleasing him.  She lives to serve, even before she comes into contact with him.

I was never that way.  Do not misunderstand, I want VERY MUCH for Master to be happy.  I work hard to please him.  But I was not born wanting to service someone else.  I... actually, I don't know how I was born.  My childhood warped me and I will never know how much of my personality is nascent and how much of it is a product of my environment.  I know that we are all products of our environment, but some of us are molded more than others I think.  In any event, I've never been through any kind of structured training procedure.

I feel like a wild animal sometimes.  Like I'm completely incapable of being handled.  Granted, there are many times when I think I'm this:

And he sees this:

This happens more often than I want to think about, lol.  It is probably why he hasn't seen my occasional rebellions as anything particularly threatening or even worth being concerned after all.  It is cute to watch a kitten try to be intimidating and fail, after all... I suppose I'm no different when I get that way.  But there are rare times when that tigress actually is in the room.  And she is mean and unpleasant and probably kind of hungry (and potentially hormonal... but I digress).  Then he and I have these epic, celestial battles that look like this:

Those usually end with me collapsing into a ball of some kind, crying for a bit, and wishing I could melt into the floor because I'm embarrassed about how I acted.  I turn back into that kitten, mushed and looking for something warm to cling to and comfort itself.  I'd like to be somewhere in between those two places. :P  And that's where I am... most of the time, at least.

(I couldn't find a picture of a dragon and a tiger in a relaxed state together {IRONY}. So Master, you can be the larger tiger. :P Sorry I couldn't find a dragon for you again.)

We can both be ourselves, in a relaxed, calm state.  I get to guided, watched over, occasionally mounted... lol  But still, it's tough to live with a wild animal - even if you're pretty damn wild yourself.  I'd love to be more refined... beautiful, focused, a prized servant.  Don't get me wrong - I can be left alone and function.  I can manage a house, I know how to pay bills and handle money, I can do quite a few things on my own.  He could show me off as capable, intelligent, affectionate... but there is always that wild side.

Perhaps I think that training would get that out of me, but I don't think it would.  You can put a tiger in a cage, sure.  You can even breed them in captivity... but they are still going to be a wild animal.  Sometimes, even when they're being affectionate or trying to help, they can do great damage by not understanding their own strength.  I don't think training would do shit for me.. for us, really.  That's probably why he hasn't done it.  I think he knows.  I like the idea.  It sounds very erotic, in it's own way... and yet, I don't think it's possible.  I don't think the lessons would stick.  Maybe he wouldn't want them to.  Maybe I wouldn't want them to.

Sure, it can be frightening to live with something that has so much raw power.  Imagine a tiger in your fucking living room.  That would be a sight.  Even with it just laying there, you'd think "shit, how do I get back out of this room without dying?".  But strangely enough, they can be affectionate animals.  They'll protect you, and even hug you (although you may end up getting a bit crushed by them in the process).  It would take a powerful man to know how to handle a tiger without taking away that which makes it different from a house cat - its strength, its intellect, its rage, its ambitions, its force... its wildness.

Perhaps that's just what Master has achieved...

Besides, wild animals can be damned beautiful.

*~zelda...