Thursday, September 9, 2010

Yes, I'm alive

This is so infrequently updated that it's ridiculous. It's the thought that counts, right? Not really. You can't read my thoughts, so I suppose it may not count. Then again, I don't think anyone actually reads this so mayhaps it does. In any event, this post will not be well put together since I'm scatter-brained and tired from the ridiculous amount of fucking I endured last night (poor me, right? :P).

In any event, Fet. It's so full of... meh, there aren't words. I don't want to quote anything specific because this has nothing to do with specific people and I don't believe any of this is personal in any way, shape, or form. (Hint: This means if you think "WHOA IS SHE TALKING ABOUT ME???", I'm not. These are all general remarks directed at no individual in particular.) But I just wanted to mumble about it in my own special way.

So, here they are - the Red Flaggers. They flounce about, leaving a trail of red flags behind them (frequently while capitalizing RED FLAG for EMPHASIS because it's such a BIG RED FLAG). People have opinions and people have their own ideas. I respect that. I understand the fact that {some} people want to call everything that doesn't mesh with their own personal philosophy abuse. I don't attempt to change that behavior. I might speak up if I feel they've said something totally out of line, (i.e. ZOMG, ALL SLAVES ARE INSANE AND YOU NEED COUNSELING IF YOU'D CONSENT TO THAT, THERE ARE RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE, AHHHHH) if only to point out to others who are reading that the poster is misguided, but I don't expect the out-of-line one to change their red flag tossing ways.

So why do they all expect ME (us?) to change. There are many who seem to take it as a personal affront if someone doesn't respond with a "Oh you're right, I'm very abused and will now seek counseling and end my fulfilling relationship because you have said it is abusive & contains red flags. Thank you for enlightening me". But the fact is, it isn't fucking personal. Just because I (or someone else) says that in their relationship, X and Y would not fly does not mean that I'm expecting the OP or another poster to alter their life to match mine. It's simply a matter of comparison and explain to the other person that there are other ways of doing things. "This is how things work in my relationship" does not auto-translate into "You're doing it wrong". Maybe they should consider doing something different if it's really making them so unhappy...? Maybe that relationship style isn't right for them.

As an example, Master and I are monogamous. Neither of us would do well in a poly relationship. Do I run around telling everyone who is poly that their relationship is "clearly abusive" and that they are being "used" or "taken advantage of" simply because it's something I can't envision myself doing? No. I don't. I am mostly just glad for them that they have a relationship that works for them and fulfills them. I don't cry abuse and red flags about it. Nor would I run up to someone in engaged in a bedroom-only D/s relationship and tell them that they're inferior to me or that they're WRONG and need counseling to see how a 24/7 relationship would complete their lives.

But WAIT. No. Now we're just sufferers of "twue-ness". Now we're condoning abuse because we're not all hugging each other and crying about how abused we feel. Also, we must be abused and/or insane because we can't see how fucked up our own lives are. Oh and don't forget, we're all heartless cunts too. Har har.

It just gets dull after a while. I don't understand why people who don't even understand how M/s works are so ready to pass judgement on the concept and anyone involved with it. Over the past week, I have seen SO MANY misconceptions about M/s (and/or O/p. I am bad with labels so I often use M/s as a blanket term. If this is confusing/offensive, sorry) being propagated that it was ridiculous. I don't want to list them in order to avoid pointing fingers, but I can say that I did respond to at least one of them personally.

The other thing that makes me laugh? The occasional post that pops up about how "slaves/subs/bottoms really have all the control anyway" because they "set all the limits, can stop the 'scene' at any time, blah blah". Yea. Maybe in YOUR hunky-dory universe, that is the case. It is not really so for me. It is not so for a great many people, on and off of Fet. I actually brought up this concept to Master and he literally just kind of lol-ed in my face. Please keep in mind, I'm glad for this. I like it that way. IT IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. If people DON'T like that, maybe they shouldn't have signed up for it. I know, people make mistakes. So why don't they exercise their super-awesome bottom control power and leave to find something that actually works for them?

I respect and understand the fact that other people don't live like me. I would never look down on someone who does not live 24/7, does not do M/s, or any other type of TPE. People are different. People have different shit that works for them. Really, I'm cool with it. So why is everyone else so ready and willing to condemn the entire concept of M/s and all the people involved in it? It doesn't really bother me to have shit like "you need counseling" thrown in my face, but I just get irritated when I'm extending a courtesy to someone else and it isn't returned. I'm fine with people living differently. Other people might try being fine with that too, but apparently that's too much to ask.

Blah. /end fetlife rant. Apologies for my rambles.



  1. I'm not in a M/s, or O/p relationship, just trying to build a D/s one for now. Your post/rant was thoughtful/intelligent, and so hilarious/entertaining. I'm glad I came over to peruse/read. I'll definitely be back.

  2. Thank you for the compliments. :) I very much appreciate the comment, especially given that you're the first one to honor me in such a way! I wish you luck in your ventures. It can be tough to hammer out "the dynamic" that works in your relationship, but it's worth the struggle... or at least, I think so.