Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Apologies for the lack of updates & love

Dear friends (if any of you are still out there),

I am sorry for my absence.  Master has been very sick the past few weeks and I have been bogged down with absolutely AWFUL allergies.  In fact, Master is off at Urgent Care right now trying to get antibiotics.  I'd be there with him, but he didn't actually tell me where he was going (there are many urgent care options where we live.. I called a few and can't find him.  Damn.) so I'm left here to wait.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk to you about my professional life.  What I have been working on the past few weeks is really, truly fascinating to me and I'd love to share it with you.  But my position is unique and it was utterly blow my already flimsy anonymous mask.  It's part of why I have been away.  Sometimes when I can't talk about what I want to talk about, I simply don't talk at all.  So I am sorry for keeping you all in the dark.

It's not just here, though.  I've withdrawn in a lot of areas lately.  I've almost completely withdrawn from Fet.  I don't think I've logged in for other a month, which is unusual for me.  Lately I have had a sort of... issue with hearing out everyone else's opinions.  It's sort of odd.  It's not as though I am judgmental of what others do (trust me, as long as I'm not involved, you may all do what ever you please), but... I suppose I've sort of stopped caring.  It's not an apathy toward my own relationship or power exchange, but I am apathetic regarding what other people are doing in their homes.  I mean really, why does it matter?

I realize that there are, in fact, things to be learned from the successes and failures of others.  And I swear, I am still reading all of your blogs even if I haven't been commenting.  Blogging is different, so I hope that none of you here will be offended.  But regarding Fet, everything is so PC.  "Well, this is what WE do, of course it's totally different for everyone else, but MY Master (or conversely, MY slave) does blah blah blah..."  .... if it doesn't matter and is totally different for everyone else, why are we all here listening?  It feels less like people want to engage in dialogue and more like everyone is simply standing around waiting to talk about themselves.

(Remember that question from Pulp Fiction?  During a conversation, do you listen or just wait to talk?  There is a big difference, and it's usually easy to tell who listens and who is just waiting their turn.)

Threads of Fet have sparked some interesting conversations between Master and I, but sometimes it just drags me down.  I'm sure I'll be back to it eventually.  I do like to listen to other people, even when it isn't directly related to my own life but... I think I am simply trying to focus more on Him the directions/demands that he gives to me (while worrying less about what the rest of the world is doing).  Frankly, I don't care if we're "doing it wrong".  We'd be total exiles in the community anyway.  We don't play with others, we don't go to play parties and make appearances, we're total squares.  I wouldn't mind attending, but Master is simply not social and if he isn't interested, it isn't happening.  To some that would make us BDSM or Lifestyle posers, but please do remember - I really don't care.  My focus is him and it will probably stay that way, even if I'm willing to listen to what input others may have.

I'm not sure if it's just me who feels this way or if it happens to others.  But, it is what it is.  Feel free to comment and let me know if you occasionally tire of wading through the details of other people's lives.

*le sigh* I've missed blogging!  I know it's only been a few weeks, but it's felt like AGES.  Again, I am sorry for withdrawing.  I have several half-done posts hanging out in my queue, so perhaps I'll get back to work on those.  One is about my favorite female historical figure - a woman I have admired since childhood.  Another is about Anahata, the heart chakra.  And a few others are in there too.  Additionally, there will be another toy review to look forward to (damn I love doing those).

Thank you to those who have stuck with me and who still read here, despite my occasionally fickle posting patterns.

Master has ordered some new implements to try out with me.. that ought to be interesting, in the least. ;)


P.S. - For those wondering, the 30 days of self love project ended up being continued in private.  Some of it was too identifying in the end. :P


  1. zelda! Yea everything you said makes perfect sense to me. And I'm sending healing wishes to you and your Master.

    I forgot about that part in Pulp Fiction. I like that movie.

    Oo your fave historical woman. Joan of Arc? Lol...just trying to guess;)



  2. Thanks so much, K! He was diagnosed with bronchitis yesterday. At least now he is taking the proper medication.

    Joan of Arc was a good guess! An admirable woman indeed. But you did guess incorrectly, so I suppose I'd better get that post out quickly... lol