Friday, February 11, 2011

In Your Nature

I'm really tired of being told that you cannot be a slave without a burning desire to serve.  No, not that you need to want to serve your Master/Owner and simply be satisfied with that, but that even while unowned, apparently you're supposed to find yourself laying down over puddles to keep strangers' feet dry or bowing down in obeisance to random people hoping they'll provide you with something to do because damnit, YOU WERE BORN TO SERVE.

That's all well and good for some people, I suppose.  But I can't stand hearing shit about how "true slaves" (or shall we say, twue) have service and submission into their nature.  Or even beyond that, that one cannot be called a slave without having this allegedly constant, ever-present desire/trait.

HINT: Being submissive is not fucking in my "nature".  It is not in my personality.  I grew up smashing anyone who got in my way (or in the way of a loved one) and being better off for it.  I am an aggressor and a protector.  I didn't want to crawl on my hands and knees with a collar choking me and a butt plug jammed into my ass.  I didn't want to give myself to anyone (I worked hard for myself, damnit).  I didn't want to be controlled or suffocated or guided.  This song was (and in some weird ways, still is) my creed.

I never wanted any of that... until I met him.  It's true, my previous interactions with men (boys) had been shallow.  It was easy for me to push them around because THAT, my friends, is my nature.  I'm innately cruel, bitchy, demanding, and I'll walk all over any man who lets me.  I didn't (and don't) take shit as a general rule (except perhaps from my own M, but that's different :P).  Yet, these fledgling relationships and interactions were always dissatisfying for me.  I never respected these people.  They were feeble and too easily molded to my desires.  Perhaps that does speak to the fact that - somewhere deep inside - I really did want someone to take control of me.

But imagining anyone but my Master having said control is honestly just sickening.  The only person who has EVER brought out these needs and desires in me... is him.  And frankly?  Yes, it is fucking difficult to do given that I'm apparently not one of those magical "natural" submissive people.  And yet, strangely, my Master still sees fit to call me his slave.  So, I guess that's an indication of how much the internet knows ne? (Here's looking at you, fetlife.  Please note, no one has ever said these things to ME personally, but they certainly float around often enough for it to be noticeable.  This simply isn't a personal vendetta, just a general rant.)

In any event, if anyone else would like to join me in my corner of what is apparently "non-natural submission", feel free.  I have ice cream and I will share.

It's strange how you can need something so desperately, yet it goes against every grain of your persona.  Hmm.  Go figure.  *tugs on my collar and skips away*

*~zelda...

3 comments:

  1. I'm in. What kind of ice cream are we having?

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  2. I mean, personally I'm a fan of mint chip or cookie dough. But for this event, I'd say we're entitled to whatever ice cream we'd like. lol

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