Monday, February 21, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, it's not actually my birthday today.  It was several days ago.  I've been out of the loop due to a bad cold (aren't I LUCKY?) and.... due to a lovely 3 night, 4 day vacation brought to me by Master.  It was my birthday present... and what a present it was.  We stayed at an ocean front hotel pretending that we were extremely wealthy from Thursday to Sunday.  It was more wonderful than I can say.  Master and I have travelled together before, but never alone together.  It was really lovely.  I can't wait to do it again, even if that opportunity won't present itself for a few years.

There wasn't a lot of BDSMish (or even M/s-ing) going on.  Mostly because I was sick, but also because I think Master has a soft spot for me around my birthday. :3  I felt more like a pampered princess than a slave.  I barely lifted a finger that entire trip.  I would feel strange living that way permanently, but I won't lie... I really appreciated it this past weekend.  It was romantic in a classic sort of way, which I never thought was my "style", but I'd be lying if I tried to tell you I wasn't enjoying it immensely.

Bubble baths for two in an oversized jacuzzi tub in our bathroom, boxes of chocolates in bed, glasses of merlot on the beach at sunset, sex in the shower, sex by the fireplace.... Well, you get the point.  It was simply amazing.  I may post some pictures of the room/the beach later, if I'm allowed.  Sadly the Bossman isn't around to ask right this minute.  It's unfortunate that I was pretty sick for about a day and a half of the trip, but it was still 100% worth it.  I'm so glad he allowed this to happen and I can't thank him enough.  It was the best birthday I've ever had (and I've had some really lovely birthdays in my day).

So thank you, Master.  Thank you so, so much.


Now that I'm back home, I have to get back into that slavish mindset I've been fighting so hard against lately.  *sigh*  Does anyone else have this problem?  Any other non-twue, non-"born slaves" out there? It's like I go through cycles.  Sometimes I just throw myself at his feet without argument, other times I can't manage the word "please" without world war 3.  I honestly don't know what the fuck my problem is sometimes.  It'd be great to figure that out.  As a budding clinical psychologist, I really wish that we had BDSM therapy... you know, to help us work out our issues with serving, etc.?  Or maybe some therapuetic sessions for Masters to learn how to properly subjugate their property?  Maybe even some couples therapy to help out floundering relationship dynamics?

Such a dream is lofty.  There is, really, no one out there qualified to "teach" any of us how to be better slaves, Masters, pairs, whatever else.  You can read books, attend seminars, have mentors... but really, no one has those qualifications and I don't believe you'd find TOO many answers there (although of those 3 things, I do believe a mentor might be the most helpful.  I've never had one myself, but I often wished I did.  That may or may not be misguided).  The fact is, you've got to figure out that shit for yourself, and that's a lifetime-long task for some of us...

Honestly, sometimes I'm jealous of M-types because it seems like they have the "easy" job (if there even is one).  It is easy to perceiving topping as all gain and no pain.  Perhaps I'm only jealous because I'm not one, but I honestly wonder... what do they struggle with?  If there are any Tops out there, I'd love to hear your take on it.


P.S. - Kelly!  I got your email some days ago, but have been struggling with a good way to answer.  I didn't forget, I just suck at phrasing things properly.  I'll have a reply soon.


  1. "It's like I go through cycles. Sometimes I just throw myself at his feet without argument, other times I can't manage the word "please" without world war 3. I honestly don't know what the fuck my problem is sometimes. It'd be great to figure that out."
    Okay, so I can't honestly comment from the viewpoint of a slave, but that quite nicely sums up how I feel about myself as a submissive lol.

  2. Thank you!

    And I'm glad someone else relates to the ebb and flow of the submission tides. Sometimes I think I'm just crazy... but it always helps knowing that other people experience it too.