Sunday, November 8, 2009

A Now SEVERELY Belayed Assignment

While Master is out working on the car, I am going to try and get out an assignment He gave me. i think i was supposed to do this LAST weekend, but We both got super busy with the car and then more issues with the car kept us busy/tired/ and dead all week. So, here it is.

Two Saturdays ago, Master did a scene with me. i was tied with my ankles to the bed, face down, and ball-gagged. Master beat me with several things in this position.. His hands, the whip, the crop... after a while, He pulled out the ball-gag and mouth fucked me for a while. i think He hurt me for quite a while longer before He finally tired of my whining and fucked me nice and hard. (Later that day, He also made me squirt while fucking me against the wall - which was absolutely divine).

i'm supposed to write about my feelings during all of this, i suppose. It's hard to put into words. Sure, it's arousing. i love when Master hurts me. He knows if He wants to make me wet right then and there, all He has to do is be rough with me and maybe smack me around a little. But it's more than just arousal, i think.

It's scary, but it feels safe at the same time. i know i can surrender myself to Master completely and trust that He won't damage me permanently, even if i have no idea when He'll stop. We don't really have a safeword... Master tends to judge based on my responses and reactions. Sometimes it can be scary wondering "How far will He take it this time?", "When is He going to stop? Is He going to stop?". But it's so thrilling and wonderful... i wouldn't trade it for the world. i sometimes wonder if Master really understands what He is capable of doing to me.. what He does do to me.

i tend to need lots of love afterwards, which is part of the joy of it all i suppose. He's this intimidating, demon of a man using me for His own sadistic pleasures.. and then He wants to hold me. He wants to pet me gently, treasure me even. It's a total mindfuck to be so blindly dependent on the same person who hurts you... but i love it. i look forward to more.

On a recent note, Master has also started trying to increase my pain tolerance (i think). He pushed me a bit farther than normal last night.. and although it hurt quite a bit, i enjoyed the atmosphere of it all. i enjoy knowing that He's working on me, training me more. He has also introduced a new ritual (taking off his shoes and clothes for Him when He comes home after work), which i am enjoying very much. i like to service Him and make Him comfortable as soon as He gets home each day.. it's strange, but i actually look forward to it.

Am i a sick kitty? >.>


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