Merry Christmas, Happy New Year - I'm Not Dead!

You guys didn't tell me that working full time was going to cut into my blogging abilities so much.  Geez... :P

Master moved back in with me at the end of September.  We're now both located in Los Angeles.  We still have no friends because we're anti-social.  For some reason, I can't seem to find any local munches.  I know they're out there - it's LA, there have to be a few others like us somewhere!  We're also just low on time, though.  His work has him on a shitty schedule where we only have 1 day off together (he works Saturdays and has Monday off).  His job is also very far and the commute home is a huge time sink for him.

By the time he's home, I don't want to share him by going out and meeting other people.  Because I am a selfish bitch - what can I say?

I'm sorry for being hidden for so long.  It's just... taken such a long time to get settled, it seems.

I hope every had an awesome Christmas or Hanukkah or Solstice or whatever holiday you may celebrate this time of year.  Here is to an awesome new year in 2013!

I've had some personal drama lately.  A friend got married and that has resulted in some hurt feelings on my end.  Not *because* she got married, it was just the situation brought up a bunch of drama and I wound up on the butt end of it I guess.  Which is too bad - she's my oldest friend and is really more like the sister I never had.  I haven't spoken to her since, but she hasn't reached out to me either.  I can't blame her, though - I don't even think she realizes I'm upset.  But I just don't want to mend it right now, I don't have the energy.

Yet another lack of BDSM in a post *le sigh*.  Anyone catch the premiere of Wives with Beehives last night...?  It reminded me a lot of BDSM-type "lifestyles".  I wonder how the "Vintage lifestyle" would feel about the comparison?  I know a lot of people incorporate both styles into how they live.  The show is kind of typical TLC junk - it's edited to make the women look like bitches when they're probably relatively reasonable.  But it did get me wondering about that sort of lifestyle.  It's very different from my own.  I'll be frank - the 1950s scare the shit out of me.  But there are a lot of similarities there too.  It's interesting to think about.

Anyway, hopefully you'll be seeing more of me in the future!

*~zelda...

Striiving

Shameless promotion time. xD This is not at all a paid endorsement and I'm not being compensated for this in anyway.  I bought that Striiv pedometer I mentioned in my last post.  I just wanted to say I LOVE this thing.  It's amazing how easily it gets me to push just a little harder and go a bit father during the day - whether I'm just walking around my apartment or if I'm at the gym.  Love, love, love.  If you need help getting motivated to move, get one.  Seriously.  I can't recommend it enough.  I'd been lusting after it for weeks and it has not disappointed.  In fact, I'll probably be heading to the gym once I wrap up this post.

I keep getting pseudo-ideas for posts and then abandoning them.  My brain has been happily humming along at a decent pace, but I'm struggling with sitting down and actually writing for some reason.  That's okay though.  The world will keep on turning. :)  I'm sure you will all survive without my poorly compiled posts.  The two ideas I have floating around are as follows - I'm putting them down here so that I don't forget them entirely.

-Death Note analogy
-"Abuse" misunderstandings (here)
-On the subject of CNC and rape

There.  Now I can't say that I "forgot" them.  Master and I have been doing well overall, except for one thing - the car I mentioned a few posts back..?  It's dead.  It needs repairs we can't afford and it has stopped running.  I feel both depressed and a little overwhelmed about it.  Overwhelmed because holy shit, public transportation is a pain in the ass when you live 20 miles from your job and dear God, how will we ever afford another one (we will NOT take out a loan for a car).  Depressed because.. well, like I said, I was secretly fond of that pile of shit.  It went and quit on me.  Now what?

Other than that, though - it's good.  I lost 4 pounds this week, which I'm very happy about.  I'm down about 14 since December 16th, which is good.  I probably put on 30 while I was sick (I don't know why I gain so much when I'm sick, I just do.  It happens every time).  So I'm well on my way to recovering myself, which is nice.  I plan to try my best to continue exercising more because it seems to help a lot with some heart issues I have and frankly..?  It just makes me feel good.  So as long as there is time for the gym AND the work I have to do, we'll keep it up I guess.  Master has been with my a few times, which is nice too. ^^

Things could be called "mediocre", if only because of the car.  But honestly, compared to some of the shit people are going through?  I'll take it.  I'm glad we're both happy, healthy, and sane.  I still owe you guys pics of my new collars. :P I'll get on it man, I swear.

One of my oldest/closest friends is planning a wedding for only a few months from now.  She's desperate for me to come, but I don't know if I'll be able to with all the deadlines and events I cannot miss in the next few months.  By "cannot miss", I mean that if I don't attend, I will not graduate.  It's tough.  I want to go, but I guess we'll see.  She was supposed to get married a couple of years ago (same guy, btw) but life kind of got in the way and the plans were delayed.  Not to say that I disbelieve their plans xD but you know, sometimes shit comes up.  I just hope I can attend in the end.  Bah.

Sorry for the totally droll, not even remotely kink related update.

*~zelda...

Potential Analogy

Well, I finally got back home last week.  I'd been traveling over the holidays, and Master and I have spent that past week getting.. er, reacquainted? :P I hadn't been gone that long, but I swear - to that man, ten minutes is a long time to go without. lol

Classes start up again next Monday, which I'm not really looking forward to.  The last semester was such shit that I'm kind of reluctant to start the whole thing over again.  Oh well.  It is my last one.  I should enjoy it and appreciate it for what it is.  I don't make a habit of mentioning school much here, but hey - college is part of my life I suppose.

My new collars arrived.  They're from collarfactory.com, mostly for play/decoration purposes.  I really like them, especially the one Master designed for me (the other one is plain black leather, a replacement for my first ever collar that ended up ruined a while back).  I'll have to post pictures soon, I want to share.  I haven't been given an opportunity to wear the custom one out of the house yet (it is white leather with some blue gems, so it doesn't match with *everything* the way the black one usually can), but I'm excited to.

Despite all the lovely sex I've been getting, I don't actually have much to write about at the moment.  There are a few things floating around my head, but none of them are substantial enough to post about thoroughly.  I'm working on getting back into shape after being sick for so long, so I have been drooling over this cute little pedometer that I really don't have the money for.  By walking, you can earn achievements/trophies, power a game inside the unit, and -most importantly for me- your steps can contribute to charities like a mini-walkathon.  But yea, like I said, don't really have the cash on hand. xD But I wants it.

I'm going to be showing off my age (or lack-there-of) again, so don't judge me.  Anyone who reads me ever see Death Note?  I'm not super into anime, and I didn't even see the series until 2011 because popular things kind of turn me off, but I very much like the series and I see a lot of interesting parallels between the main character and the female "love interest" (although, he doesn't.. really love her, but I can explain more later).  I thought about posting about it, but I'm not sure anyone would get the analogy or, you know, care. :P  But we'll see I guess.

Hope everyone else is doing well too.  I'm enjoying these last few peaceful days while I can

*~zelda...

Apologies for the lack of updates & love

Dear friends (if any of you are still out there),

I am sorry for my absence.  Master has been very sick the past few weeks and I have been bogged down with absolutely AWFUL allergies.  In fact, Master is off at Urgent Care right now trying to get antibiotics.  I'd be there with him, but he didn't actually tell me where he was going (there are many urgent care options where we live.. I called a few and can't find him.  Damn.) so I'm left here to wait.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk to you about my professional life.  What I have been working on the past few weeks is really, truly fascinating to me and I'd love to share it with you.  But my position is unique and it was utterly blow my already flimsy anonymous mask.  It's part of why I have been away.  Sometimes when I can't talk about what I want to talk about, I simply don't talk at all.  So I am sorry for keeping you all in the dark.

It's not just here, though.  I've withdrawn in a lot of areas lately.  I've almost completely withdrawn from Fet.  I don't think I've logged in for other a month, which is unusual for me.  Lately I have had a sort of... issue with hearing out everyone else's opinions.  It's sort of odd.  It's not as though I am judgmental of what others do (trust me, as long as I'm not involved, you may all do what ever you please), but... I suppose I've sort of stopped caring.  It's not an apathy toward my own relationship or power exchange, but I am apathetic regarding what other people are doing in their homes.  I mean really, why does it matter?

I realize that there are, in fact, things to be learned from the successes and failures of others.  And I swear, I am still reading all of your blogs even if I haven't been commenting.  Blogging is different, so I hope that none of you here will be offended.  But regarding Fet, everything is so PC.  "Well, this is what WE do, of course it's totally different for everyone else, but MY Master (or conversely, MY slave) does blah blah blah..."  .... if it doesn't matter and is totally different for everyone else, why are we all here listening?  It feels less like people want to engage in dialogue and more like everyone is simply standing around waiting to talk about themselves.

(Remember that question from Pulp Fiction?  During a conversation, do you listen or just wait to talk?  There is a big difference, and it's usually easy to tell who listens and who is just waiting their turn.)

Threads of Fet have sparked some interesting conversations between Master and I, but sometimes it just drags me down.  I'm sure I'll be back to it eventually.  I do like to listen to other people, even when it isn't directly related to my own life but... I think I am simply trying to focus more on Him the directions/demands that he gives to me (while worrying less about what the rest of the world is doing).  Frankly, I don't care if we're "doing it wrong".  We'd be total exiles in the community anyway.  We don't play with others, we don't go to play parties and make appearances, we're total squares.  I wouldn't mind attending, but Master is simply not social and if he isn't interested, it isn't happening.  To some that would make us BDSM or Lifestyle posers, but please do remember - I really don't care.  My focus is him and it will probably stay that way, even if I'm willing to listen to what input others may have.

I'm not sure if it's just me who feels this way or if it happens to others.  But, it is what it is.  Feel free to comment and let me know if you occasionally tire of wading through the details of other people's lives.

*le sigh* I've missed blogging!  I know it's only been a few weeks, but it's felt like AGES.  Again, I am sorry for withdrawing.  I have several half-done posts hanging out in my queue, so perhaps I'll get back to work on those.  One is about my favorite female historical figure - a woman I have admired since childhood.  Another is about Anahata, the heart chakra.  And a few others are in there too.  Additionally, there will be another toy review to look forward to (damn I love doing those).

Thank you to those who have stuck with me and who still read here, despite my occasionally fickle posting patterns.

Master has ordered some new implements to try out with me.. that ought to be interesting, in the least. ;)

*~zelda...

P.S. - For those wondering, the 30 days of self love project ended up being continued in private.  Some of it was too identifying in the end. :P