March Q&A, part two

How did you meet?

This is cliche, but a mutual friend introduced us.  She had known me for years and had just recently met my Master.  I remember her telling me "You would like him.  He's an asshole.", and I thought... what?  Why?  That's a weird thing to say.  And he WAS (is <_<) an asshole.  We simultaneously hit it off and somewhat disliked one another.  I thought he was a misogynist with a chip on his shoulder and he thought I was a femi-nazi.  But he became my best friend.  We had both "given up" on relationships all together.  We occasionally comforted one another after other feeble attempts at dating.

Why are other people idiots?  What is with these people?  Why does everyone only want BOOTY CALLS?  We were both rather traditional as far as relationships went and neither of us were the type to jump into bed with people at random.  We weren't trusting.  We were cloistered, closed, and frankly... hiding from the hurt other people had the potential to wield.  And it took.. *counts* 5-6 months of being pals before I was informed that I was beautiful and that he loved me.  That's... the short version of how things started.  I will admit to omitting details, but this story is precious to me and I don't want to risk screwing it up.  So you get the short version... I hope no one minds terribly.

Did you know before you got together that you wanted a dynamic like this? Or did it develop after you were a couple?

I think he knew in the back of his mind, somewhere.  I don't think either of us were totally aware of the details of BDSM.  We knew what bondage was and we knew what sadomasochism was, but the details about how these dynamics were "supposed to work" (we were such noobs!  "Supposed to".. ha) were lost on us, as were the various options such as D/s, M/s, O/p.... etc.  He used to always talk about how he would NEVER be in a relationship where he wasn't in charge.  Being equally aggressive, I sort of just humored him and shook my head, knowing that whether he knew it or not, I'd eventually be in control.  With or without his acceptance or even his realization.

Well... that was wrong.  The details are actually fuzzy to me.  We started dating in an October, and eight months later in June, I received my first collar.  It's actually the leather one in my fetlife profile pic.  (Trivia: that collar actually suffered a sad fate during our recent move in November.  It wasn't really anyone's fault... but I'm still really sad that it's gone because it was my first and it meant a lot to me.  I'm a sentimental lass at times.  But, Master is still around. :) So I'm sure I'll get over it)  At the time, it was very standard to give to a new submissive (which is what I identified as initially, I think..): one inch leather, o-ring.

In all honesty, the details of the transformation from vanilla (but we were never REALLY vanilla... we just didn't know what to call it and it wasn't formalized.. but yea.  Neither of us were ever "normal"), to D/s, to Ms/Op are sort of lost on me.  I wish I could remember it more clearly... but I can't.  I wonder why that is?  I just know that once our toes were in the water, it didn't take long for me to end up as his slave.  Master isn't the kind of man who could live only in the bedroom or with limits on his control... he's like ivy - he's got to be everywhere.  That means he's healthy.  Frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've always been SO GRATEFUL that I didn't have to look for a kinky partner seeking a dynamic.  I didn't know it was what I wanted.  But I got lucky and landed my perfect companion very quickly... and he came equipped with all these awesome ownership features! lol

Who was first interested in the dynamic you have now?

I think I sort of answered this above.  It was a bit of both of us, but it was mostly him.  He lead me down the rabbit hole with a neat little trail of breadcrumbs and treats.

I'm still following him.

*~zelda...

(Brought to you again by Little Monkey)
Keep the questions coming if you've got them, dear readers!

First Question

I received this question quite some time ago from an awesome reader of mine.  You can find her here. :)  Sorry it has taken me so many centuries to respond to this.

"At the bottom of your blog you have a "Rules" heading, but nothing else ...do you have rules already? Set ones? Would you be willing to share them with me if you do?"


I really owe you a personal response, so this post is written up just for you.  Feel free to send me another note if you have more questions after what I write here.

The first part, about the Rule section on this blog?  I'm not even sure what that's for, to be perfectly honest. Master put that there when he was still playing with the layout of the blog.  I think he just forgot to take it out. :P

But, there are some "set" rules in place.  It's somewhat confusing because earlier in the relationship, there were more established rules and ritual type... things in place.  I believe that was to give me some structure in the early days when I had no damn idea what I was doing.  Structure is comforting (to me) when I'm new at something.  And TRUST me, the concept of being submissive was pretty damn foreign at the time.

Currently, the one "big rule" is that whatever he says goes.  Sometimes this is more imposing than others.  Somedays, I don't get any orders from him other than perhaps a "come here and lay with me" or "get me some more water" (typically accompanied by a please.  The man is polite, whether he wants to admit it or not).  Somedays, there's a bit more.  Other days, more still.

Occasionally we go through periods of "micromanaging".  These stretches of time essentially follow an over-arching theme: if I am not told to do it, I have to ask.  For everything.  EVERYTHING.  Eating, the bathroom, etc.  Even those very basic functions required to survive are managed by him.  I think I might be allowed to scratch myself without asking, though lol.  I don't think either of us could live like that permanently.  I would turn into an drooling boob-zombie and he would go crazy having to answer 5000 questions a day.  But sometimes I need the return to that structure for my own sake, other time I think he just enjoys it.  Personally, I like the way our relationship is fluid and that we can function both with me being totally dependent on him or with a little more autonomy on my part.  Flexibility is good.

I'll try to think of the rules that are in play all the time.  I don't think we've ever sat down and formalized them.  Hell, I might even forget some just because I've been living that way so long that I forget it even was a rule established by someone else.  ... And it's thoughts like that that remind me who belongs to who. <_< Anyway, here are some rules:

1 - I must obey any direct order or command.  That's just the nature of the beast relationship.
2 - There are certain male friends that I'm not allowed to go places with alone.  These are people who have demonstrated a blatant sexual interest in me, so it's not without cause.
3 - I am not to be alone with another male in our bedroom (or the other male's bedroom) unless I receive his permission first.  In general, permission requires a reason.  I.e., we're doing research or some project for school together and their computer lives in their bedroom.
4 - I am not allowed to masturbate without his permission. (Sometimes this changes to "If you masturbate, you have to tell about it afterward".  Sometimes this rule disappears entirely).
5 - We're monogamous.  Any (willing) sexual interaction with another man is grounds to end the relationship permanently and without question.

That's actually all I can think of right now.  Honestly, number 1 encompasses a whole lot of other things.
I'm sure there are some that I forgot about due to the reason noted above.  I'm sure Master will have me update the post if there is something I forgot about.

I hope this answers your question!  Things aren't always perfectly defined.  We don't live by a contract or anything even remotely close.  Things operate the way he wants them to, and that can change on a day to day basis.  But hey, I like being kept on my toes.  And I enjoy the fluidity.

*~zelda...

March Q&A

Hello to all of you.

I have neglected to mention that this month is some variety of "question and answer" celebration in blog-land.  Comment with any questions or you can email me with them.  My email lives to your left in that text blurb under my avatar.  Alternatively, you can send me questions on Fetlife if you have me added there.  In fact, I owe a particular reader an answer to a question that was asked of me last month. xD So perhaps I'll start there.

I'll do my best to be candid and answer questions honestly, but if I feel something would identify me or Master too easily, I may have to ignore it.  Naturally, Master has veto power on which questions I can answer so if I skip you for some reason, you can always blame him. :)

Ask away.

*~zelda...